28 May 2010

And we're back

It has been quite a while since I wrote anything here. The main reason for this has been tat I have ried with moderate success to try to push BIID out of my mind and just get on with my life. As I went on with this, it did get easier for a while to focus on other tasks and generally not have to deal with the issues that were gnawing at my mind.

Of course nothing lasts forever and denial is something that burns away quickly until all you're left with is a big pile of realization that you've been deceiving yourself. I realize that metaphor kind of gor away from me but it's about as close as I can get right now to saying what I mean.

The fact of the matter is that I hvave a condition that I don't fully understand - hell, I doubt anyone really understands it. It's something that doesn't go away if you ry to hide from it. It lurks in the back of your mind and waits until you're alone, then it pounces.

So here I am, back at square one and not sure what to do with myself. I'm annoyed at my own failings and unsure where to go from here, so I've turned back to the old Internet to look for help. It's likely I'll have to start blogging about what I come up against here, because sometimes that really does help.

Oh, and if you notice any spelling mistakes or other issues with what I've type here it's because I'm not usde to touch typing and I'm having issues with the narrator software on this computer. It's been a long time since I used it and I'm a little rusty. Bear with me, please.

1 comment:

Kyla said...

I understand all too well... you can keep yourself busy to distract yourself from it... ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist, and hope it'll go away and take care of itself... but always it lurks there, waiting for the right moment to rise up with a vengeance and strike again... I wish i had answers - as do many other people who suffer from BIID - but it doesn't seem that those answers are forthcoming, so we continue to cope as well as we can.